Laurissa's Life...

OK so today I am LOVING:

Not having to go pick up work this morning - time and gas saved!

My sister being here to keep the kids busy so I can get some work done

The weather - heat has finally broken and it's a warm, comfy mid 70s

Some ice cold Mike's Hard Cranberry's awaiting me in the fridge ; )

LOATHING:

Watching my house go from totally clean on Sunday to it's usual 'tornado just came thru' state by today

My 16 month old REFUSING to wean - it's KILLING ME!

STILL not having my basement cleaned out and organized after months of swearing 'this weekend i'll get it done!"

LAUNDRY - enough said.

1.  Don't have that much work, I'm already almost done - YAY!

2.  DS 1 is going to a party tonight - 4 hours of him being happy and entertained by someone else!

3.  PAYWEEK!

4.  Get to do my shopping for father's day today - I love spoiling my man, he deserves it for being such an awesome dad!

5.  My house is 'fairly' clean - a little maintenance work and I should be good to go for the weekend

6.  I'm going to the grocery today, so I can get something yummy for dinner tonight.

7.  DH 'should' be getting off early tonight

8.  It's a perfect night for hanging out with the neighbors and having a few beers on the porch

9.  I have the whole week's worth of All My Children ready and waiting on the Tivo - my entertainment during laundry folding!

10.  It's not blazing hot today, just warm and breezy.

11.  The baby is finally feeling better after almost a week of being sick with a viral infection

12.  I'm wearing my favorite jeans

13.  I'm drinking my water and I'm really feeling a difference

The laughter was infectious, rolling around the room and catching everyone in its' path.  I stared at the source, marvelling at her beauty, at her effortless existence as the life of the party, the center of attention.  Her hair shone in the surrounding candlelight - even though I knew in my mind that she had probably spent hours getting prepared for the evening, I still felt resentful, and sat stewing while imagining her rolling out of bed looking perfect. 

I snapped back to reality and realized that the host of the party had put on some music, and was explaining to the crowd that it was an original release LP.  I half listened as he boasted about the cost and his long search to find it, rolling my eyes at his pretentiousness.  What the hell was I doing here?  I looked around again, searching my mind for an excuse to leave.  My patience having reached its limit, I "accidentally" spilled my wine onto my dress, gasped and fussed accordingly, and made my excuses to leave.  It was clear by her face that she suspected my mishap was intentional, but said nothing as I said my goodbyes. 

Finally out the door, I sighed my relief and headed to the car. I drove to the beach, feeling the sand and watching the surf, while thinking about her. 

Reece with his Easter Baskets

Freddie with his Easter Baskets

Here are my boys enjoying the treats the Easter Bunny left for them!  They both had a nice Easter morning, they got little treats and toys and MINIMAL candy!  The biggest hits were Freddie's Star Wars coloring book and lightsaber - great job Easter Bunny!

Later we went to visit family at their house - Fred's mom and brother, his wife and their kids.  The kids had fun opening Easter stuff from Grandma (more lightsabers, lol!), then we went out back and let them hunt for eggs.  After that we took advantage of the nice weather and took them all to the park, which was fun for all of us!

All the Boys Together

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Egg Hunt

Loving:

My flowers I planted last week, looking beautiful

Finally getting my pics uploaded

My new super cute purse

COFFEE!

Loathing:

RAIN! 

Having to organize the pics I just uploaded, lol.

Being broke

Making myself drink water cuz I don't drink enough

LOL, a day late but that's OK right?!  LOL!

Loving:

My girls night, with my sis and sis in law - fun, laughs, drinks, and they always help me brainstorm about my house.  Yay girls night!

Warmer weather - please no more snow!  No more freezing cold!

Odwalla Superfood Micronutrient Drink

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup in the Crockpot - mmm smells sooo yummy I can't wait for dinner!

Hating:

4 year old has a temp and is SUPER cranky and demanding today, ugh!

That Easter is so early this year - I'm totally unprepared!

Forgetting things at the grocery - which I am always guilty of!

These pork chops are really good and sooo easy!  All my boys love them.

1 - 2 lbs pork chops ( I use boneless but it doesn't matter)

1 cup ketchup

1 cup coca cola (fresh can so it's carbonated)

1/4 cup brown sugar

Oven to 350.  Lay pork chops side by side in a shallow baking dish - I use a 9 inch round glass pie plate.  Mix ketchup and coke in a bowl, then pour over pork chops.  Sprinkle brown sugar on top.  Bake for 40 mins.  Done!  So easy and yummy!

What is a "charmed life"?

To me, a charmed life is a carefree life.  A life that is floated through effortlessly - someone living a charmed life never has to worry about her bills being paid, or whether her outfit looks bad, or fitting in.  When I think of "charmed life" Gwyneth Paltrow immediately pops into my mind, not sure why her but she does, lol.

OK my very first Things on Tuesday post! 

Let's see, things I am loving right now:

Fresh white sheets I changed yesterday - mmm slept so good last night!

All My Children - it's getting so good and I've got a nice stock of 3 epi's at home waiting for me on the Tivo ; )

Reece blowing me kisses - mmwah!!!

Apple Cinnamon coffee cake with fresh coffee in the afternoon - YUMMY!

Things I am HATING right now:

Work - I'm so tired of being swamped!!!  Ugh!

Rain and  Snow and Mud - COME ON SPRING!  I am tired of wet muddy shoes and bulky coats and sweaters.

Reality TV Overload - Thank god the writers' strike is over, I am so tired of 'regular' people I could scream, lol! 

I'm sure there's more but I have to get back to work (of course!)

Working from home.  A mother's dream right?  A DREAM job  for a mother with young kids like me - good money, reputable company, flexiblity.  I see the glints of envy in other mother's eyes when I tell them I work from home.  You can almost see the wheels turning in their minds - they're picturing me in fuzzy pink jammies, leisurly sipping coffee while my children color nicely at the table.  They're picturing homemade from scratch lunches and dinners, and homeade treats abounding at all times, because if I work from home I MUST have the time to Martha Stewart it out to the max right?  I know they are thinking that I must have so much quality time with my boys, that I must spend lots of time working with them on letters and numbers, fun games and learning.  That my house is probably always kept up and that I have time for all those beauty treatments they don't.  I see them thinking that, and the puzzling thing is, I enjoy their envy.  It's sad, but I do.  I know that I have an enviable gig, that I am so lucky to have it, and that a million working mothers, or non working mothers who have no money, would love to trade places with me.  And so I don't correct them.  I don't rain on their parade of imagined perks I must enjoy on a daily basis.   What I don't tell them, is the truth.  The truth - that my house looks horrible 90% of the time.  That my children are seriously lacking structure and spend an incredibly unhealthy amount of time watching Spongebob.  That I have no consistency because the amount of work I have is always different, and that my poor boys never know what's coming next.  That because I have to get up a million times a day while working - to fetch juice, make lunch, fix a toy, nurse the baby, answer the phone - it takes me all day, into the evening to finish my work.  That it's quite likely that I have less quality time with my kids than a traditional working mother does.  That the stress of trying to work and answering several thousand "Mom's" a day makes me depressed, unmotivated, and a snappy mom at least half the time if not more.  That my four year old has bore the brunt of my stress, irritation, and exasperation more than a few times, and that I hate myself for that.   That my bathroom sink is perpetually filled with water, because I can't be there to supervise Freddie when he's washing his hands.  That the playroom is a literal dump of toys, pieces scattered everywhere, discarded Little People and action figure parts littering the room.  That I dream of being able to afford a decent daycare, so that I can spend actual time with my kids instead of just being 'there.'   Especially Freddie, I wish so much that I could afford to send him somewhere that he would thrive and enjoy - somewhere where he could be challenged, and learn, and get more attention.  Somewhere where he doesn't have to hear "hold on" every time he needs something.  That is the real truth about working at home - that it is quite a bit harder, I believe, than working in an office, or out of the home.  I've done both, and I truly believe this is harder.  And the worst part is, there is no end in site.  I tell myself that I am doing what I have to do - we can't afford daycare, we just can't.  And I know where they are at all times, they are safe with me, in their own home, with their own things.  For better or worse, they are in the care of their mother almost constantly, and isn't that supposed to be the best thing for children?  I don't even know anymore, if these are valid points or if I'm just justifying - but what difference does it make anyway?  It is what it is - we can't afford to change this situation.  I need to find structure, and order, amidst the chaos, and learn how to thrive myself, so my precious babies can too.